He was just depressed, and what is a child to do about that?"Īssisted living facilities are marketed to the children of those who live there as a result, they tend to focus on safety to a degree that any adult would reject in other circumstances. But she might have found anger easier to deal with. Gawande writes of a man named Lou who moves into assisted living after it becomes too much for his daughter Shelley to care for him: "After the move, he wasn't angry with Shelley. From there, he heads into nursing homes and explores the paradox of assisted living: How do you balance the often competing priorities of autonomy and safety for those who are too frail to live alone? Gawande offers portraits of families struggling with this question, portraits that are attuned to the nuances of intergenerational relationships that make this such a fraught subject. He invites readers to join him as he considers "the modern experience of mortality," setting the stage with a brief explanation of aging and a quick history of how earlier generations died - usually abruptly and at home. We wish 100-year-olds happy birthday on the "Today" show, but we don't wonder whether their centennial days are fulfilling, or even pleasant - nor do we consider what could be done to make it so.īut Gawande does. Yet Atul and his parents - all three of them doctors - weren't sure what.Īmericans are optimists, and what place does death have in a culture of optimism? We focus on cures, not comfort. After a middle-of-the-night fall that left Atmaram unhurt but unable to get up, it became clear that something had to be done. Chemotherapy was of no benefit at this point, and the side effects of it would be miserable. He had experienced some neck pain and some numbness in his hand, which was starting to interfere with his urology practice.Ī combination of strong medical care, thoughtful decision-making and luck had allowed Atmaram Gawande to live several good years, but eventually the disease led to paralysis and pain that was more than he could tolerate safely.
The diagnosis came, as all such diagnoses do, as a shock. Atmaram Gawande was in his early 70s when a tumor was discovered in his spinal cord. Three-quarters of the way through "Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters in the End," Atul Gawande pulls back his carefully stitched curtain of reporting and research to relate the story of his father's decline and eventual death.
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